2 weeks and 3 days… and not his first trip to Starbucks. LOL.

This post is a day late, but we were busy celebrating yesterday.   Plus, would it really be a bloggable event if you pre-emptively posted about it? Hmmm…

My husband and I celebrated five years of marriage yesterday! (WOW! Where does the time go?!) I must say that Hubby did an incredible job planning the day.   I got gorgeous red roses, a lovely dinner out (my parents offered to watch Munchkin and Bean… how cool is that?!), and a necklace. Nice. Pics coming… one day…

In honor of the special day, I dug up my “Husband Wishlist” that I wrote during the summer of 2002… little did I know that I’d be meeting the personification of that list just a few weeks later on August 30, 2002. (Many thanks to Hindsfeet for keeping a copy of this all these years! Let’s just say that computer hard drives and I did not have a good working relationship the year I got engaged and married… and yes, I said hard drives, plural.)

July 2002

My sole purpose, goal and aim in life is to love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, soul, mind and strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). It’s my desire to go wherever and do whatever the Lord would require of me (Mark 8:34-38, Hebrews 12:1-2) even if it means dying for the cause of Christ (Hebews 11:33-40).

I am willing to do all of these things alone should this be the Lord’s will for my life, however, I pray that God will grant me a husband to walk with and serve alongside. I believe the woman is called be her husband’s helpmeet and that she must submit to him in all things unless if his desires are in direct violation of scriptural principals. For this reason, the woman is wise to make a careful scrutiny of her potential future husband to be sure they are like-minded in all things which she and the Lord consider to be essential and non-negotiable… basically, be as picky as possible before it is too late. J

The purpose of this list is to lay out, in clear and concise fashion, my personal “wish list.” I have done this without giving any romantic though to any young man whatsoever. This is strictly a compilation of biblical mandates and personal preferences that I feel to be essential in a good husband.

1) Because the Bible calls us not to be unequally yoked with a non-believer, he must know Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. This will be evidenced by his ability to share his personal testimony and by spiritual fruit in his life.

2) He must have a passion for serving God at all costs (Mk 8:34-38).

3) He must have a deep passion for reaching the lost and share my passion for missions

4) In that desire to serve, this young man cannot have left his first love.

5) Even as a mature believer, he must still be seeking to excel still more in all things.

6) Because this man will be my spiritual head for as long as we live, I feel that it is essential for us to be complete agreement on essential doctrines, and for him to be more spiritually mature than I am.

7) He must be a servant leader (never asking others to do what he would not do himself)

8 ) He should have self-control (Titus 2:6, 1 Tim 3:2)

9) He must be known by all that know him to be a man of good character and good integrity. (Titus 2:8, Titus 3:2, 1 Tim. 3:2, 1 Tim.3:7)

10) He must be reverent.

11) He should have a reputation for sound speech.

12) He must be humble before God, under authority and while in authority over others. (1 Tim 3:6)

13) He must love me as Christ loves His church.

14) He must be attracted to my character more than my face or form.

15) As a minister of the gospel, I feel it is imperative for him to be “overseer-qualified” as outlined in 1 Tim 3:2-8)
- not an adulterer (vs. 2) even in singleness.
- sober-minded (vs. 2)
- hospitable (vs. 2)
- apt and able to teach (vs. 2)
- not given to wine (vs. 3) or drugs
- not violent (vs. 3)
- not greedy (vs. 3)
- gentle (vs. 3)
- not quarrelsome (vs. 3)
- not covetous (vs. 3)
- desire to rule his house well and under God’s authority (vs. 4-5)
- a mature believer (vs. 3:6)
- not double-tongued (1 Tim 3:8)

16) He must be settled in his career and financially able to care for a household (Proverbs 24:27)

17) He must be spiritually, emotionally and financially ready for fatherhood.
- love children
- not scared of children
- willing to trust God on the timing and number
- desire to home-school at least until the children would be able to thrive in a traditional schooling environment

18) He should be patient and not easily angered.

19) He should be joyful.

20) He must be trusting God in all things

21) I would like him to have a good, clean sense of humor.

22) I hope he likes veggies and trying new foods!

23) I’d like him to at least appreciate music (especially hymns and praise choruses)

24) I sure hope he likes being physically active!

God works all things for His glory and our good… I realize that God may have other plans for my life, including whether or not I marry at all. For this reason, I humbly give this human list over to His divine editing. However, I promise no to make any concessions to the scriptural based mandates without careful Bible study and godly counsel.

To God be the Glory!
Adrienne

One day I should I go through and annotate the list with how God answered my prayers…

But in the meantime…

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABE! I pray we enjoy many more!

Love,
YLP

This post is a bit “out of left field” and not triggered by any particular event in life… I was searching board archives for a different post of mine and I found this one. I wrote it back in May 2007 in response to a question about how to help a friend who has a child in the NICU. I hope this helps someone somewhere. –Ladybug

Here is a link that a fellow NICU mama found. Not everyhting applies, but it does give you a nice window into what is going through your friend’s mind.

First of all, the fact that you truely want to help is help in and of itself. A lot of people “say” they want to help, but chicken out because it’s too hard. Being in the hospital with your own child is hard enough, but you tough it out because it’s your own child. Being in the hospital as a friend when you don’t have to be can be really stressful and it’s hard to watch a baby suffer when you “don’t have to.” I know I felt pretty helpless when Jenna Havig was in the hospital because there was not a whole lot I personally could do other than just support Chautona and the rest of the family.

Now for specific suggestions…

1. Pray for her. She’s a mama-in-name-only right now. She’s probably already learned that consent is really just “please let us do this or else she will die.” On the one hand it’s wonderful that she’s a first time mother because she doesn’t know what she’s missing (I didn’t realize how much I missed with Becca until I had Rachael) but on the other hand, it just plain sucks either way.

2. Ask her what you can do… but come prepared with ideas from this thread to suggest in case she’s too wrought out to think it through.

2. VISIT and CHAT!

3a. You’ll get this from the link I gave, but keep advice to the minimum and pray hard before you give it. Something about being in a hospital makes everyone’s mouth run like you wouldn’t believe. She’s under stress, the last thing she needs is to have to deal with justifying why advice you give won’t work.

3b. But, while you’re keeping your mouth shut on advice, also chat. Tell her about what’s going on in life, ooh and ahh over her baby’s latest tricks (but you might have to look hard because their tricks are so miniscule.) And, if you really think the advice will help, share it sweetly, but tell her to feel free to toss it if it won’t work and then move on to the next topic.

3c. Offer to sit with the little princess while mommy goes to take a shower or get something to eat. Tell her to take her cell phone and promise to call her if anyone on “the list” (specialists) comes by to see her. BUT, don’t be offended if Mama doesn’t take you up on your offer.

3d. This is also on my grief list, but remember there is a difference between condoning sin and having some sympathy. In other words, don’t get on her for being upset at the situation, excuse french words that she might say after a frustrating conversation with hospital staff, and hug her through the tears.

3e. Keep the visits about her. Like I said before, it is really hard being the friend in this situation because you’re helpless. Some hospitals will even make you leave during procedures. You might spend time in the hallway. BUT keep it about her. Lean on your husband during this time. Don’t make your friend carry her grief over the situation and yours too.

3. A DVD player should be fine… don’t forget the headphones. Babies like that often can’t handle a lot of noise. Extra points for getting a membership at a DVD rental place for her and being her delivery service. (I know that blockbuster does a $25/month deal for unlimited rentals, up to 3 at a time.)

4. Find some cool hats, mittens and socks for the little princess. If you’re lucky, the hospital allows little kimono shirts for baby. You’ll find all of this on the baby aisle in Walamrt or Target for about $20 for three days worth. When my Rebecca was in the hospital, clothes was one thing I could control… most of the time. The amount of time I spent planning her outfit combinations was ridiculous and I’d even match my clothes to hers.

5. Play PR rep to the hospital. Bring treats for the nurses, smile at them, say hello, butter them up good. Make sure they know that little baby is special by your actions. Extra points for a plate of homemade cookies or brownies. The grouchy old specialists are especially vulnerable. :p

6. Ask Mama before you touch her baby. Ask her how you should do it. And then, when you get permission, do it with love and all focus on the little one. Talk to her. Tell her how pretty she is. Talk about all the things she’s going to do when she gets home.

7. If you’re close enough friends, give your friend a shoulder rub. Oh yeah, and if she complains about shoulder pain, tell her to try sitting on the other side of the baby’s bed. It will help the crick in her neck.

8. Ditto the other suggestions everyone had.

9. Bring food!

Later in the thread someone asked about why the mama couldn’t hold her baby and I said:

[The baby] has to be stable… and that is defined by the hospital…. and once it is, it is subject to the mood of the nurse on duty. It stinks, but it’s reality.

It’s my guess that if the baby’s pain is beyond pain meds, that it’s going to be a bit before they let Mama hold her.

This is not to single you out because you do bring up a valuable question… however, I am going to say, this is NOT a question to ask the NICU mama. believe me, she has asked many times, and it’s not by any fault of her own that she can’t hold her baby.

Would anyone like to guess what that picture is of?

If you guessed my freezer, you are correct.

That’s my freezer door. Most of the 90 burritos (30 each of: breakfast, bean and cheese, chicken and rice) are on that door. Needless to say it’s much heavier than usual. It makes the freezer close with a satisfying thwap.

It took my friend and I thirty minutes to pack everything in there… and that’s after my husband and my friend’s dad killed their hands and arms carrying a very full cooler from their car parked down the block.

What does this have to do with love you may ask?

Well Bean came 12 days early… on the day that I had planned to do a lot of my freezer cooking. So I’m in the hospital recovering from major surgery and trying to figure out how I’m going to feed my family. I decided to trust the Lord.

He answered my cry for help. Three ladies from church, along with their daughters, cooked up the food we had bought. They each added a few pans of their own casseroles and showered us with food that we can just heat and eat.

I almost cried when I heard what they were going to do and then I almost cried again when I look at my filled freezer…

Here, have another look.

Isn’t it pretty?!

I am loved.

January 1st — 5 days old

January 8th — 12 days old … no wonder Munchkin seems huge now!

December 9th — 13 days: Bean’s first trip to the park

(He slept the whole time!)

(But Munchkin had fun playing in the grass!)

This worksheet has been floating around my mommy message boards. The writer of the thread I copied it from said she got it from Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ Revive our Hearts e-mail where Nancy had given credit to Donald S. Whitney… I am still working on filling mine out (and probably won’t post my answers since some are pretty personal) but it’s a very eye-opening exercise and it’s helping me think through what I need to focus on in 2009.

Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year or On Your Birthday

Once, when the people of God had become careless in their relationship with Him, the Lord rebuked them through the prophet Haggai. “Consider your ways!” (Haggai 1:5) he declared, urging them to reflect on some of the things happening to them, and to evaluate their slipshod spirituality in light of what God had told them.

Even those most faithful to God occasionally need to pause and think about the direction of their lives. It’s so easy to bump along from one busy week to another without ever stopping to ponder where we’re going and where we should be going.

The beginning of a new year is an ideal time to stop, look up, and get our bearings. To that end, here are some questions to ask prayerfully in the presence of God.

1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?

2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?

4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?

6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?

7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?

8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?

9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?

10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

In addition to these ten questions, here are twenty-one more to help you “Consider your ways.” Think on the entire list at one sitting, or answer one question each day for a month.

11. What’s the most important decision you need to make this year?

12. What area of your life most needs simplifying, and what’s one way you could simplify in that area?

13. What’s the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?

14. What habit would you most like to establish this year?

15. Who do you most want to encourage this year?

16. What is your most important financial goal this year, and what is the most important step you can take toward achieving it?

17. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your work life this year?

18. What’s one new way you could be a blessing to your pastor (or to another who ministers to you) this year?

19. What’s one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?

20. What book, in addition to the Bible, do you most want to read this year?

21. What one thing do you most regret about last year, and what will you do about it this year?

22. What single blessing from God do you want to seek most earnestly this year?

23. In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year?

24. What’s the most important trip you want to take this year?

25. What skill do you most want to learn or improve this year?

26. To what need or ministry will you try to give an unprecedented amount this year?

27. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your commute this year?

28. What one biblical doctrine do you most want to understand better this year, and what will you do about it?

29. If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?

30. What’s the most important new item you want to buy this year?

31. In what area of your life do you most need change, and what will you do about it this year?

The value of many of these questions is not in their profundity, but in the simple fact that they bring an issue or commitment into focus. For example, just by articulating which person you most want to encourage this year is more likely to help you remember to encourage that person than if you hadn’t considered the question.

If you’ve found these questions helpful, you might want to put them someplace—in a day planner, PDA, calendar, bulletin board, etc.—where you can review them more frequently than once a year.

So let’s evaluate our lives, make plans and goals, and live this new year with biblical diligence, remembering that, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage” (Proverbs 21:5). But in all things let’s also remember our dependence on our King who said, “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

Copyright © 2003 Donald S. Whitney.

Copyright Disclaimer: All the information contained on the Center for Biblical Spirituality website is copyrighted by Donald S.